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02 December 2008 @ 01:28 am

i keep thinking of how much i like talking to
you.how good you look when you smile. how
much i love your laugh.  i daydream about
you off and on,replaying pieces of our great
conversations,laughing at the funnythings
you said or did.     i've memorized your face,
and the wayyou look at mine.i catch myself
smiling again at what i imagine.i wonder
what will happen the  next time that we are
together,  a n d   e v e n  though neither of us
knows what the future holds,         i know one
thing for sure; you are one of the best things
|[♥]|                    that have ever happened to me

Yup. I found that quote and it was sorta kinda perfect. I'm so thankful for someone who just cares. Our chemistry is perfect and he always makes me laugh. But most of all, BEST of all..he cares enough to compromise. And that means the most to me.
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
29 November 2008 @ 03:45 pm
Everything was perfect 'til the train went right off the rail
Like we were passed out asleep at the wheel
When you know you've lost it, there's no one in control
And you will find yourself too high, better try just letting it go

Problems won't disappear
When I look you in the eye something isn't right
Problems will interfere
And I don't think we'll survive
I've built it up so high

My teardrop waiting for the fall out
This must be the way down
And in one stop everything's a burn out
This must be the way down
Everything was bound to change
Never going to the same town
This must be the way down

And now that the smoke is gone
I can see that I'm all alone

I need you to come back home
And now that the smoke is gone
I can see that I'm all alone

Current Mood: sadsad
27 November 2008 @ 03:25 am

Fuck The World!

And Happy Thanksgiving to you fuckers, as well.

Thanksgiving 2008, the worst yet.
Current Mood: heartless
17 November 2008 @ 10:24 am

My mother is more than right about one thing if anything she's ever told me was true. It'd be that if things don't go my way, the waterworks will start going. THAT is my issue.

I want it all..and I just can't have it...

And it frustrates my inner child. Such a brat. -__-

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday."

Out of everything there was in that three hour long movie, that's what has stuck in my head the most. I have mixed feelings about the movie though, as I do with everything else. First of all, I'm so very jealous of that bird in the first place. -__- NOT ONLY..did she get one guy to fall in love with her..she got two. :| LUCKY. I don't think love is ever that innocent these days anymore and that's what I get annoyed with. People always think that you're out to hurt them or you'll do them wrong. I'm not saying that people shouldn't be aware of their surroundings or the people they associate with..but Idk..In the past, I've had a lot of trouble dealing with guys I've dated because they would not open up to me because they are scared that I am going to hurt them. AND IT PISSES ME OFF. First of all, it's just so silly. I am not the same damn female[s] you dated in the past so don't treat me like her or them. 
Well..that's not what this blog was initially set out to address. So let me steer it in the right direction. And now i've forgotten what I wanted this to be about. So I'll just type what I'm thinking. Let's begin with me saying: Michael, I'm crazy for you. -__- I like him too much. And it drives me nuts because I never know what he's thinking. I never know how he feels and so I feel like i'm threading softly. I think that's what drives me nuts out of it all. I never know if I should continue what I do because it makes him feel good or stop because it's annoying to him. I'm kind of lost in the fog of it all.

Okay..this blog has turned into crap..because i've forgotten what I was going to say. -________- I'll update on things in my life though.

-I want out of Chemistry. SO BADLY. I hate it now. And chemistry used to be one of my favourite subjects. I HATE THAT SHIT NOW. It's just become confusing and complex and i hate it so much. =[
-I have a thousand dollars worth of projects in the works now. Which is good. and about 1800 set to the side that i'll be working on in the next couple of months. I AM EXCITED.
-Christmas money isn't looking like an issue anymore. :D
-I can't wait for the holidays. I really and truly wish it will make me feel better than I am feeling at the moment. D: IT SHOULD THOUGH. Christmas always makes me happy! And so does thanksgiving..when I have family coming. BUT I DON'T. so =[ =[ =[
-I am in dire need of doing something FUN. i want to go to stone mountain SO badly. AND.AND.AND. the museum. =[
-I can't think of anything material that would make me happy for christmas. I don't think I want anything material. I know what I want though. I just know I won't ever get it. So it's really pointless in asking for it. FAIL. instead, I will get my joy from making others smile.

Mkay..I'm going back to work now. The end. :|

I want to curl up into a ball and make it all go away for just ONE day..-__- I think I may be stressed.
Current Mood: blankblank
16 November 2008 @ 02:53 am
Let's begin by saying, I'm not the typical Catholic girl. I don't follow Catholism by every single hair nor am I overly religious but I do believe in my God with all my heart and soul. Sure, I sin sometimes because some sins, you just can't help. They are fun, point blank. But that's part of being human. We do that. Now without further ado..

Now, I'm noticing it's becoming a trend not to believe in a God or something that is greater than us. I don't understand why though. I spoke to someone and he said: "Religion serves no purpose anymore". Really though? Is that what people like that think? It's so silly to me. Because first of all, I don't see how religion doesn't serve a purpose, I know several people that deal with their trials and tribulations everyday because of the HOPE that God gives them through prayer, a sermon, or what have you. Second of all, I just don't understand atheists. EVEN IF..I did not believe in God, I couldn't fathom not believing in a higher being. The earth is just too intricate down to every tee that I can't even imagine how everything just happened by chance. I'm not being close minded, I'm just being logical. Even down to cells, or even atoms, the way everything is arranged...do you seriously think everything materialized out of thin air? Or even those that believe in evolution, there has to be a creature to begin with. I don't care what the creature is, whether it be a simple thing like an amoeba or a more complex creature like a fish. IT HAD TO COME FROM SOMEWHERE. no? Like..I don't get it. Maybe I never will. It just upsets me how everyone these days is so quick to claim atheism. It's not a cool trend. At all. But I guess people will be people..

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
15 November 2008 @ 08:30 pm

MINI RANT. so brace yourselves.

School. I don't even think I could possibly describe HOW SICK AND TIRED I am of school. Like..-_______- I can't wait for my art classes next semester. I know I will be less sick and tired of school doing stuff that I really and truly love.

Work. Clients utterly GRIND MY GEARS for the simple fact that they take forever to get me information then want me to magically wave my wrist and have shit done. Like..you take a month to give me the information then want me to be done with your shit in like a week. IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. and i will smite anyone that thinks otherwise. stop being unreasonable!!

Michael. We're doing great. I just need to freaking get use to someone who is less..romantic? or adoring than guys I have dated. It's really different because I'm used to guys who will show me off, tell me how nice I look, call me in the nights to discuss our days, and blah blah blah. He's like..not like that. Haha. And it frustrates me sometimes. And I don't necessarily think it's the way he is. But it's just how he is FOR NOW. It's almost like he has a wall up and will not allow me to get over that wall until he trusts me enough? Which is fine, most guys are like that with females because of past corrupt relationships. I can't say I truly am ever in that position because with every new guy i'm like: well, he's different, so i will trust him until he gives me reason not to because i want him to be a good person. -__- and then i get screwed over. -__-
I will continue to treat him like the wonderful person he is though and hope he eventually opens up to me. Because that's all I really and truly want from him. I just want to be there for him. And I hope he understands that.

-___- my michael section is always like super duper long because I have more to say about him than anything else, i guess because he involves my emotions and i feel more strongly about the situation. haha.

Anyhow..my brother has a friend over for the night. And i could not be anymore upset about the situation. He's been having friends over like every weekend and it annoys me. I want them to go away. :| haha.
Current Mood: okayokay
12 November 2008 @ 09:28 pm
UPDATE: we talked and all is good in the hood again. I promise i'll be more patient with him because i really don't want to lose him. because that's my babe. :D i know he just needs more time to warm up to me. i know he does. and i don't hold it against him. so besos, baby. we'll keep on working at us. :D

I. am. such. an. impatient. person. lskfjhosidfhnslkdfhjslrtkhj!!

I'm trying! SO HARD. to show that i do care. and i don't feel like i'm getting anything in return. =[ well, i do, i just feel like it's like: "i'll care for you as long as no one else knows" like i have to be a secret. : | UGHHH. i hate this. i really do. i don't know what to do. =\ because it's really and truly making me feel terrible inside because i feel like.., i'm not sure, like i'm not good enough. =[ =[ =[
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
09 November 2008 @ 07:46 pm
Ignore the last posting because I was releasing the pessimism I was holding in from last night.


Well..now that the pessimism is done with..Let us continue to the good shit.. I can't wait until next semester! It's going to be fantasticccc. I have mostly art and film classes so I will pretty much be in heaven when I'm in class. :D This update is going to be relatively short so here we go:

-I bought a couple pairs of earrings. :D
-I miss my babyboo, i hope he misses me too. ._. I want him right now, in more ways than one. rawr rawr rawr.
-Boo @ school tomorrow.
-Yayyy @ holiday season.
-I should be getting back my photoshoot pictures tomorrow. :D !
-I want to go to a Stone Mountain Christmas SO badlyyyy. I wonder if michael would think it's corny to ask him to go with me. =\ I'm sort of scared to ask.
-I want to take Michael to dinner for his birthday if he will let me. -__- we'll see.
-I'm def like..wasting time. I'll come back and edit. -__________-
Current Mood: okayokay
09 November 2008 @ 03:09 am
This one really serves no purpose. And I hope no one reads because it's just a menagerie of thoughts. Nothing special.

Where do I even start? I don't know. I have had a bunch of random shit just cluttering my mind. I'll start from the beginning I guess. -__- But there is no beginning..so wtf. Okay..let's start with ex-chat. I've been in contact with Jay as usual. -_- Idk..I don't want to type this here. Haha. I'll do a separate thing for this. It's too long to ramble on here and I feel like it's more personal. MOVING ON..uhm..Michael..we've been good lately. I sort of feel like he's warming up to me sorta, kinda. I can't help but always wonder things though. Idk. =\ =\ =\ I really and truly hate caring for him so much because then i feel obsessive. But if i start to tone it down, I'll become a cold bitch. So it's kinda a hard situation. Idk..=\

fdjkhslkdfjhbsfldjyh !! I feel so sad right now, and I can't explain why. It's sort of a menacing feeling because I want a hug so badly. Or..I just want to talk to someone SO badly..but I hate talking to people about situations like this besides Gabby. like..my best friends..:| let's not even go there. They are both terrible listeners or just don't understand. I would never burden Michael with my thoughts either though. I don't think he likes me enough to listen to me ramble about silly thoughts. -__- Eric, my ex, is really a good listener but lately I haven't been talking to him like i used to either. And..Troy used to be a good listener until I started dating Michael and now he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. =\ Speaking of Troy..he told me the other day that i'm one of the only girls that he could see himself giving his everything to..which was flattering but then again peculiar. For the simple fact that I don't see how you could want to give your everything to me. Lol. Guys I don't want to date are always like open books though. Then the ones that I want, are like clammed up for eternity. -__- [I'm not sure if i find that alluring and then get annoyed by it later on..maybe i freaking do. haha.] And I hate prying because I hate when people pry at me but idk. I'm just typing nonsense now. :| I really don't know what I'm trying to say..I always get blue around this time of the year because I never really truly have a BOYFRIEND..-_________________- Always, I'm dating a guy whom i'm getting to know and it hasn't advanced to boyfriend stage yet..Srsly though? THAT IS ALWAYS THE CASE. :| I'm terrible at this stage in dating because i'm always like..selfish as shit and want to be with the dude all the time. AND THEN..AND THEN..AND THEN, I am like..such a jealous person. O DAMN..forreal though? I'm terrible. Never will I ever display my jealousy for people to know, because I sort of surpress my negative feelings..but geez, i'm horrible. Like..terrible. I get tired of dealing with myself sometimes. :|

CHRISTMAS! -__- and so..i pitched my idea to my brother about what I'd get Michael and he said it'd be a bad idea considering the timeframe we've been dating in. Idk though. I'd probably get it anyway. I'm excited for christmas and then another part of me is like: EH! ;\

I want friendssss. because i totally want to go to stone mountain for christmas as well as to the museum sometime soon. and i don't want to drag michael all over the place and make him feel like he's obliged to go just because I want to go, that's not fair. =\

IDK. fuck this typing shit..i'm just babbling. so blahhhh!


-I hate my best friends. :| Sometimes I really do feel like replacing them because they act like they don't care about me.
Current Mood: crappycrappy