This one really serves no purpose. And I hope no one reads because it's just a menagerie of thoughts. Nothing special.

Where do I even start? I don't know. I have had a bunch of random shit just cluttering my mind. I'll start from the beginning I guess. -__- But there is no beginning..so wtf. Okay..let's start with ex-chat. I've been in contact with Jay as usual. -_- Idk..I don't want to type this here. Haha. I'll do a separate thing for this. It's too long to ramble on here and I feel like it's more personal. MOVING ON..uhm..Michael..we've been good lately. I sort of feel like he's warming up to me sorta, kinda. I can't help but always wonder things though. Idk. =\ =\ =\ I really and truly hate caring for him so much because then i feel obsessive. But if i start to tone it down, I'll become a cold bitch. So it's kinda a hard situation. Idk..=\

fdjkhslkdfjhbsfldjyh !! I feel so sad right now, and I can't explain why. It's sort of a menacing feeling because I want a hug so badly. Or..I just want to talk to someone SO badly..but I hate talking to people about situations like this besides Gabby. like..my best friends..:| let's not even go there. They are both terrible listeners or just don't understand. I would never burden Michael with my thoughts either though. I don't think he likes me enough to listen to me ramble about silly thoughts. -__- Eric, my ex, is really a good listener but lately I haven't been talking to him like i used to either. And..Troy used to be a good listener until I started dating Michael and now he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. =\ Speaking of Troy..he told me the other day that i'm one of the only girls that he could see himself giving his everything to..which was flattering but then again peculiar. For the simple fact that I don't see how you could want to give your everything to me. Lol. Guys I don't want to date are always like open books though. Then the ones that I want, are like clammed up for eternity. -__- [I'm not sure if i find that alluring and then get annoyed by it later on..maybe i freaking do. haha.] And I hate prying because I hate when people pry at me but idk. I'm just typing nonsense now. :| I really don't know what I'm trying to say..I always get blue around this time of the year because I never really truly have a BOYFRIEND..-_________________- Always, I'm dating a guy whom i'm getting to know and it hasn't advanced to boyfriend stage yet..Srsly though? THAT IS ALWAYS THE CASE. :| I'm terrible at this stage in dating because i'm always like..selfish as shit and want to be with the dude all the time. AND THEN..AND THEN..AND THEN, I am like..such a jealous person. O DAMN..forreal though? I'm terrible. Never will I ever display my jealousy for people to know, because I sort of surpress my negative feelings..but geez, i'm horrible. Like..terrible. I get tired of dealing with myself sometimes. :|

CHRISTMAS! -__- and so..i pitched my idea to my brother about what I'd get Michael and he said it'd be a bad idea considering the timeframe we've been dating in. Idk though. I'd probably get it anyway. I'm excited for christmas and then another part of me is like: EH! ;\

I want friendssss. because i totally want to go to stone mountain for christmas as well as to the museum sometime soon. and i don't want to drag michael all over the place and make him feel like he's obliged to go just because I want to go, that's not fair. =\

IDK. fuck this typing shit..i'm just babbling. so blahhhh!

-------------------------------

Update:
-I hate my best friends. :| Sometimes I really do feel like replacing them because they act like they don't care about me.