...And so..I just received news that my father will not be home from NY tonight! =[ I'm so freaking bummed..like srsly!! I was looking forward to seeing him!! And it's so funny because we've only been away from each other for like a couple of days now. But I miss him like MAD. And my father and I weren't even close up until this year. And I love it. I love how close we are and I wouldn't change it for the WORLD. I used to take what I had for granted. I have both a mother and father who actually want me around. Who aren't in a hurry to shove me out of their house like 99% of American parents. Who are happy just having a nice family dinner and spending quality family time. They make me so happy and I'm so thankful! And now, living on campus doesn't seem all that glitzy without my backbone being with me. I'm printing off the cancellation form myself tonight and turning it in on monday. If me moving out of this house will cause ruckus, I don't want to do it. I don't want to mess up what we have together. Teenagers as a whole are just ungrateful little shits. They want to get really far from their parents so they can party & sex. Well..at the moment, my parents are becoming more open to the dating scene and accepting the fact that I am indeed getting older. So screw dorm life..I don't need it. And I surely won't bitch about moving out to move into a 5 by 5 room with a matchbox sized bed. Plz. The more I asked myself what's the real reason I want to move out, the more I couldn't provide a solitary answer. I only kept on making excuses for moving out. It used to be: "I want to move out to be with Jerod" Why is it that whenever I think about what Jerod and I had.....I'm not sure. it sort of drew me away from my parents. I was a 16 year old trying to seclude myself from my parents. How stupid. Independent or not, I always want my parents and brother to be my best friends. I don't care who I'm dating, what I'm doing, where I'm living...They need to be in my life. Speaking of brother..We agreed we'd get a tatt of two A's intertwined when he turns 18. Which is going to be awesome. I'll be saving a spot either on my right or left shoulder blade for that tattoo. I'm not even sure if I want anything else tatted on me at the moment to be honest. Nothing else comes as close to important as the matching tattoo I will be getting with my brother. <3 I love him sooooooooooooooooooooooo MUCH! I swear, I always want to be my brother's best friend no matter what. He's the best ever. And I love him. And I wouldn't trade him for the world. Even though I used to wish he was a girl when he was younger. Lolz. He's amazing. I'm already thinking of ways to surprise him this christmas! I love my baby bear! And the smile on his face is better than any gift in the whole world. Family love is the best love ever. And my eyes keep on filling with tears I'm so thankful for what I have.

Different people have said different things about this picture. 
Some have said I look like I'm crying. Idk..maybe. Lol. O.o

 Okay..I haven't blogged in a WHILE now! Want to know why? Because I have so much going on in my head, it'd probably take me DAYS to type the shit out in details. I'll do one private blog [for intimate love life details] and the other public addressing the other stuff.

Where do I even begin? I'm over freddy..like TOTALLY over..fuck him and his pierced whore he wanted to run off with. Fuck him and all of his broken promises. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY FIRST POINT! why am i always being screwed over? honestly..i'm sick of it. And sometimes I even wonder if I should even pursue a love life at all. Yea..sure..everyone says: YOU'RE ONLY EIGHTEEN, DEAR. Fact of the matter is, I've gone through too much for my age. TOO MUCH. And i suppose a vast majority could be blamed on me..I guess..If you wanted to take it there. Is it my faulty that i'm innocently loyal to those I love? So damn loyal that it becomes obliviousness [is that even like..a damn word?]..but ya..I mean..fuck..Honestly, I think i'm a pretty sweet gyal. I'm so totally not even tooting my own horn. But I mean..I think I'm a good catch. Sure..I'm a lil nutty..Okay..not a little. A LOTTA bit. But really..I'm not that crazy if you're good to me. I only get bitch if i'm hurt. =[ Which happens too often for comfort. Uhm..like ya..I'm so totally a nice girl though. I believe in GOD, I put my family first, education is hella important..I don't even smoke at all or drink regularly..But the whores who do get guys who treasure them..then what about me? What about the good girl? Like..fuck that. The world is ten kinds of messed up. Okay..point number two! Why is it like so hard to find someone to love me back? I curse my damn big heart that causes me to love people TOO easily. and that shit is annoying! Okay..let's be real. I'm not like other girls. Once I have someone that loves me for me..and I love him back..I really don't give a fuck if he buys me things or we go places or blah blah blah. Is it a crime to be wanted? I really don't think so. Ugh..it's just frustrating. Like, i get all my hopes up and then they come crashing back down REALLY quickly. And it's a sickening feeling because i never know who to trust. I never know who is genuine. Who REALLY wants to go there with me or if it's all a facade to lead up to us two rubbing against each other, sweating, screaming "oh baby, fuck me harder". I can't deal with this. I really can't. I don't like how that's what a relationship is these days..Fucking. Like..whatever happened to holding each other's hands and being happy you're in the person's presence? Am I the only one who wants innocent love? Okay..yes..sex is fun. HELLA fun. But I just think people put too much emphasis on it..like totally. =[

Okay..So let's continue with the updates..I said I wasn't with freddy anymore already..I said he could go jump off a cliff and I'd probably shrug my shoulders and turn the other cheek.HE SUCKS. Want to know who doesn't suck though? Dimitri. He's been fabulous to me lately. Want to know the part that sucks about this situation now? The fact that I don't know if this is going to last or not. Or even if it's real..or even if it's fake..or if I"m just there to be there. Or if I just intrigue him then once he gets bored with me, he'll prance off to the next chick. Okay..yes..he's been WONDERFUL lately. Nice to talk to, nice to hug, nice to kiss, touch, and so on and so forth. But I don't know if it means as much to him as it does to me. And I want to jump right in and ask, but how demented would I look? fuck that. Lol. I'm trying to ride this out to see where it goes. But as time goes on..I won't even want to so much as look him in the eyes for fear of getting attached and then dumped again. Okay..lemme dump the pessimistic aura of this blog for just a second to gloat about how sweet he was to me. I spent the day with him on friday..[27th]. He's sillier than i thought, he's cuddlier than i thought, he's more romantic than i thought. I can REALLY see myself with him, but I don't know if he's trying to go there..Dimitri is one thing..and then his ART..ooo..lawdie. That's another thing. It's like a two for one special. Hot black man + artistic abilities = Aubree's orgasm. I love it. He's so amazing with the camera, and I guess that's what I REALLY love..that I can see into his soul, see what he was trying to capture. And that's the beauty of art. Okay..so like..enough about Mitty in the public blog, we'll get LOTS of him in the private one. lol.

Okay..fuck love life stuff for now. lol.

FAMILY!! Idk what to say here. Lol. Everyone is doing great, obviously..I love it. No bickering and everyone is so in love! =] Shellen comes in three weeks and i'm so totally excited!!

SCHOOLLLL! Let me be the first one to say, i'm doing DAMN well in school right now. I'm SO excited..like totally! My average in spanish to date is 98.2! DUDEEEE..wtf?! How rad am I? And I got an A on my sociology test. I was so surprised! lol. I'm overall pleased with myself at the moment with school. I'm so amazing. -pats back- YAY!

Let's see..I don't think I can think of anything worth mentioning here..I recently went shopping. I bought some jeans and shirts, and one pair of sneaks!

*Random* There was a big ass turtle outside yesterday. I wanted to keep him SO badly..Like keep him in my room to play with at nights. I wanted to name him Timmy. =[ Daddy wouldn't let me keep him though..and I was quite the unhappy camper!! We took him down to the backyard and let him go though.

*Random x2* My mom killed a squirrel two days ago. :| I wanted to stop to see if it was okay..that's horrid!!

*Random x3* I'm filling out an application to volunteer at grady on fridays tonight! ^_^ YAY.

*Random x4* I am going to KILL Brian if he keeps on blowing up my phone. It's one of those things where you're like: i'm not interested. But he thinks he has what it takes to actually persuade me otherwise. GET OUTTA HERE WITH THAT!!

*Random x5* Some bitch on myspace took my pictures the other day! I had to go out of my way and do a proof picture so she would get rid of the fake profile. Lawd..

Okay..I think I'll end this here..I could go on listing shit forever..But like..Yea..Lol.

OMGSH..P.S. Saturday..Old Navy had $1 flip flops. My mom and I turn up to go see what they had..NOTHING!! The shelves were SO totally cleaned out..like what the fuck?! Stupid bitches. lol.

P.S.S. I needed to let the pessimism out. So I can get back to being happy. No more..I promise!!