Okay..I haven't blogged in a WHILE now! Want to know why? Because I have so much going on in my head, it'd probably take me DAYS to type the shit out in details. I'll do one private blog [for intimate love life details] and the other public addressing the other stuff.

Where do I even begin? I'm over freddy..like TOTALLY over..fuck him and his pierced whore he wanted to run off with. Fuck him and all of his broken promises. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY FIRST POINT! why am i always being screwed over? honestly..i'm sick of it. And sometimes I even wonder if I should even pursue a love life at all. Yea..sure..everyone says: YOU'RE ONLY EIGHTEEN, DEAR. Fact of the matter is, I've gone through too much for my age. TOO MUCH. And i suppose a vast majority could be blamed on me..I guess..If you wanted to take it there. Is it my faulty that i'm innocently loyal to those I love? So damn loyal that it becomes obliviousness [is that even like..a damn word?]..but ya..I mean..fuck..Honestly, I think i'm a pretty sweet gyal. I'm so totally not even tooting my own horn. But I mean..I think I'm a good catch. Sure..I'm a lil nutty..Okay..not a little. A LOTTA bit. But really..I'm not that crazy if you're good to me. I only get bitch if i'm hurt. =[ Which happens too often for comfort. Uhm..like ya..I'm so totally a nice girl though. I believe in GOD, I put my family first, education is hella important..I don't even smoke at all or drink regularly..But the whores who do get guys who treasure them..then what about me? What about the good girl? Like..fuck that. The world is ten kinds of messed up. Okay..point number two! Why is it like so hard to find someone to love me back? I curse my damn big heart that causes me to love people TOO easily. and that shit is annoying! Okay..let's be real. I'm not like other girls. Once I have someone that loves me for me..and I love him back..I really don't give a fuck if he buys me things or we go places or blah blah blah. Is it a crime to be wanted? I really don't think so. Ugh..it's just frustrating. Like, i get all my hopes up and then they come crashing back down REALLY quickly. And it's a sickening feeling because i never know who to trust. I never know who is genuine. Who REALLY wants to go there with me or if it's all a facade to lead up to us two rubbing against each other, sweating, screaming "oh baby, fuck me harder". I can't deal with this. I really can't. I don't like how that's what a relationship is these days..Fucking. Like..whatever happened to holding each other's hands and being happy you're in the person's presence? Am I the only one who wants innocent love? Okay..yes..sex is fun. HELLA fun. But I just think people put too much emphasis on it..like totally. =[

Okay..So let's continue with the updates..I said I wasn't with freddy anymore already..I said he could go jump off a cliff and I'd probably shrug my shoulders and turn the other cheek.HE SUCKS. Want to know who doesn't suck though? Dimitri. He's been fabulous to me lately. Want to know the part that sucks about this situation now? The fact that I don't know if this is going to last or not. Or even if it's real..or even if it's fake..or if I"m just there to be there. Or if I just intrigue him then once he gets bored with me, he'll prance off to the next chick. Okay..yes..he's been WONDERFUL lately. Nice to talk to, nice to hug, nice to kiss, touch, and so on and so forth. But I don't know if it means as much to him as it does to me. And I want to jump right in and ask, but how demented would I look? fuck that. Lol. I'm trying to ride this out to see where it goes. But as time goes on..I won't even want to so much as look him in the eyes for fear of getting attached and then dumped again. Okay..lemme dump the pessimistic aura of this blog for just a second to gloat about how sweet he was to me. I spent the day with him on friday..[27th]. He's sillier than i thought, he's cuddlier than i thought, he's more romantic than i thought. I can REALLY see myself with him, but I don't know if he's trying to go there..Dimitri is one thing..and then his ART..ooo..lawdie. That's another thing. It's like a two for one special. Hot black man + artistic abilities = Aubree's orgasm. I love it. He's so amazing with the camera, and I guess that's what I REALLY love..that I can see into his soul, see what he was trying to capture. And that's the beauty of art. Okay..so like..enough about Mitty in the public blog, we'll get LOTS of him in the private one. lol.

Okay..fuck love life stuff for now. lol.

FAMILY!! Idk what to say here. Lol. Everyone is doing great, obviously..I love it. No bickering and everyone is so in love! =] Shellen comes in three weeks and i'm so totally excited!!

SCHOOLLLL! Let me be the first one to say, i'm doing DAMN well in school right now. I'm SO excited..like totally! My average in spanish to date is 98.2! DUDEEEE..wtf?! How rad am I? And I got an A on my sociology test. I was so surprised! lol. I'm overall pleased with myself at the moment with school. I'm so amazing. -pats back- YAY!

Let's see..I don't think I can think of anything worth mentioning here..I recently went shopping. I bought some jeans and shirts, and one pair of sneaks!

*Random* There was a big ass turtle outside yesterday. I wanted to keep him SO badly..Like keep him in my room to play with at nights. I wanted to name him Timmy. =[ Daddy wouldn't let me keep him though..and I was quite the unhappy camper!! We took him down to the backyard and let him go though.

*Random x2* My mom killed a squirrel two days ago. :| I wanted to stop to see if it was okay..that's horrid!!

*Random x3* I'm filling out an application to volunteer at grady on fridays tonight! ^_^ YAY.

*Random x4* I am going to KILL Brian if he keeps on blowing up my phone. It's one of those things where you're like: i'm not interested. But he thinks he has what it takes to actually persuade me otherwise. GET OUTTA HERE WITH THAT!!

*Random x5* Some bitch on myspace took my pictures the other day! I had to go out of my way and do a proof picture so she would get rid of the fake profile. Lawd..

Okay..I think I'll end this here..I could go on listing shit forever..But like..Yea..Lol.

OMGSH..P.S. Saturday..Old Navy had $1 flip flops. My mom and I turn up to go see what they had..NOTHING!! The shelves were SO totally cleaned out..like what the fuck?! Stupid bitches. lol.

P.S.S. I needed to let the pessimism out. So I can get back to being happy. No more..I promise!!

Freddy refuses to talk to me. I think this is it.

I can't stop crying.

edit// he said there's a good chance we'll be together..just not now..how the fuck am i supposed to take that?

Edit pt. 2// Tuesday June 18, 2008 [It's 12:30 pm]
I figured the true reason why he broke up with me. It's another girl. Lol. How bitchtastic of him.

So it's totally like 6:30 in the morning the NEXT day after the one i'm about to blog about but so the hell what? I don't know how to exactly explain the feeling I had all day but it wasn't exactly a good one. Sort of like when you feel like something is gonna go wrong but you just don't know what..Yea, one of those. However, I still haven't figured what is gonna go wrong yet, in fact, if i really wanna get technical with it..i've been having this feeling for the past week. And I sort of feel bad because i keep on second guessing freddy thinking it's something with him that's gonna go wrong. but you know what? FUCK whatever was supposed to go wrong and fuck this feeling. it makes me feel crummy. Also, since we're on the subject of bad feelings...I hate how i'm falling for freddy so fast. Yea..he's a good guy but no, I don't like this falling fast shit. Makes me feel vunerable. I probably am though, I always have been sort of vunerable but I've always made it the point to look like a tough girl. No crying in front of others nor no telling others what's wrong with me. The crying is for the weak and so is whimpering about our issues. Idk what my problem is though. Why I feel I need to act tough...or even why I like to cry to myself and bottle my emotions. It's sort of indescribable, really.  

Anyway..now onto my day. It was great. I changed my bedsheets! Brother and I went to panther prowl tonight. It was nice while it lasted. Laser tag and a bunch of other games! Free hotdogs, chips, and ice tea [fucking gross]! Then afterwards I took him to McDonald's with Jabari. Tomorrow night we have a comedy show with bruce bruce! Which is gonna be awesomeee. i feel like i need a break though. i'm so tired of thinking period. i want someone to lock me in a bubble for like 2 days straight. just no one else, no problems, no worrying about how my love life is gonna turn out. just me, myself and i. that sounds good. we're going on the last week of school though! FINALLYYYY. 

Fambam is good and so are me and freddy despite me being a bitch and accusing him of lying.

And so, I find myself completely and utterly obsessed with joining this one soror [i'm not gonna post which one, never know who may be reading]. But I've been doing my homework and I find the more I find out about the soror, the more I want to join. I think i want this more than anything now.

And..I'm going for the catwalk thing next semester with Infinite Appeal at my university which is gonna be really cool. The workshop is next month and I'm pretty excited! 

I think that's the end of my updates. =]

It's 3 a.m.
And I've been thinking
What we're all about
I gotta tell you
I'm halfway
Between hope and doubt
Am I goin' overboard
Pushing just a little too hard
Don't want to give it all away
But hey

I admit to being afraid
Falling hard and being played
My heart is saying just let go
But I don't know

[Chorus:]
Should I fall
Open up and give it all
Should I fall
Should I fall
Don't know what I'll do
Should I fall for you

There's a part of me
Saying take a chance
Tell you everything
Then the other side
Says be cool
Hold back something
I'm not into playing games
I'm hoping that you feel the same
I'd like to get close tonight
But only if it's right
Won't somebody tell me how
I'm supposed to hold back now
Am I past the point of saying
Let's wait?

[Chorus:]
Should I fall
Open up and give it all
Should I fall
Should I fall
What I'll do when it all falls through
Should I fall for you

Mmm, Should I fall for you? Mmm..

I've been holding back so long
What I feel can't be wrong
Once we start it'll be too late
And love will carry us away
Should I fall for you baby
And you know you know it's true

[Chorus:]
Should I fall
Should I fall for you?
Should I fall for you baby?
Should I fall
Tell me should I, what I do when it all comes through
Should I fall for you, Oh
Don't know what I'll do

You got me going crazy
'Cause I'm falling for you baby
And I don't know what to do
What happens if it all falls through

Should I fall, should I fall
Open up and give it all
Should I fall, don't know what I'll do
Should I fall for you
Should I fall for you

♥ If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever ♥

Today wasn't anything special. Study. Family. Tv. Sleep. Video Games. Freddy . and hairwashing. I'm also getting over my little cold! But I kind of passed it on to my brother.  Not too much other than that to update on. Everything is so peachy!  Tornado damage from over the weekend in Atlanta is crazy though.  I was watching the television this morning. King Memorial train station supposedly got hit too! Can you believe that?  Tornadoes in GA? Especially in the inner city regions! That's bananas! Everyone I know is safe though, so that's all that matters! I don't think I have anything else to say so I'll end this here. I'll go study a little bit and then I'm off to Lalaland!

Dear Journal, I just might be the luckiest girl in the whole wide universe!

Okay, so today was nothing special. I woke up kind of late because I wasn't feeling well again. I feel so much better now though!! Let's see..I woke up, ate, and came back upstairs to watch television. My dad called me downstairs to meet a potential client! I'm looking forward to working for/with her in the very near future! I online shopped A LOT today, hehe. I didn't fully make the purchases yet, but I will tomorrow, well..today, you know! haha. Spoke to my babe today as usual! Nothing much more besides that. Just trying to get into the habit of blogging every night like I said I would.

Oh..and to explain my opening line!! I just decided to count my blessings, and I'm more blessed than most and it makes me feel damn good!